As a single, never-married person, sometimes people think that I can't relate to someone who is going through a divorce. Often when my clients find out I'm single, their only advice to me is "Don't ever get married." I know that when people say this, it is because they're going through one of the most difficult times of their lives, and I take their advice with that perspective.
I have quite a few friends who are divorced. Some were married for years and had children, others married young and realized quite quickly that they made the wrong decision. In all of the situations, the divorce was painful because they were set on having a lifelong partner and the realization that their relationship failed made them feel like a failure. We talk about how they feel and how they process their experience. The next time we talk, they listen to me complain about my failed relationships, wondering why I'm a successful 30 year old woman with no kids who has never even been CLOSE to marriage. The funny thing is, my advice to them and their advice to me is always the same: learn from your mistakes, learn a lesson, and grow as a person. You can never control another person's actions or feelings, but you can control how you react and respond. Often the things we think we want in a mate is not what we need in a mate. It is important to learn the difference. Sometimes we fall in love with people because of the potential we see in them or we think we can change them into being a different person. Sometimes the people we fall in love with are really just plain jerks and we adapt to their behavior because we just want to be loved. Sometimes it's totally not your fault and the other person has changed into someone we never expected them to be. I'm guilty of all of the above. But from each experience, there is a lesson to be learned.
There's an old church saying that "You can't have a testimony without a test." Well, sometimes we fail the test. But our testimony is that we survive. We hurt, but we eventually heal. We cry, but the tears eventually dry up. We realize that our wants may not be the same thing as our needs. We learn more about ourselves, we tap into a strength we never knew we had...and we live and learn.
As Carrie Underwood sings in her song "Lessons Learned":
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change, life has thrown me
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned.
Always,
Jen
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
I have quite a few friends who are divorced. Some were married for years and had children, others married young and realized quite quickly that they made the wrong decision. In all of the situations, the divorce was painful because they were set on having a lifelong partner and the realization that their relationship failed made them feel like a failure. We talk about how they feel and how they process their experience. The next time we talk, they listen to me complain about my failed relationships, wondering why I'm a successful 30 year old woman with no kids who has never even been CLOSE to marriage. The funny thing is, my advice to them and their advice to me is always the same: learn from your mistakes, learn a lesson, and grow as a person. You can never control another person's actions or feelings, but you can control how you react and respond. Often the things we think we want in a mate is not what we need in a mate. It is important to learn the difference. Sometimes we fall in love with people because of the potential we see in them or we think we can change them into being a different person. Sometimes the people we fall in love with are really just plain jerks and we adapt to their behavior because we just want to be loved. Sometimes it's totally not your fault and the other person has changed into someone we never expected them to be. I'm guilty of all of the above. But from each experience, there is a lesson to be learned.
There's an old church saying that "You can't have a testimony without a test." Well, sometimes we fail the test. But our testimony is that we survive. We hurt, but we eventually heal. We cry, but the tears eventually dry up. We realize that our wants may not be the same thing as our needs. We learn more about ourselves, we tap into a strength we never knew we had...and we live and learn.
As Carrie Underwood sings in her song "Lessons Learned":
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change, life has thrown me
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned.
Always,
Jen
Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.
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