Should I eat turkey with mom or dad?

With the holidays approaching, I tend to get wrapped up in preparing meals, attending parties and wrapping gifts. For me, the holidays are a time for enjoying family. However, for children of divorced parents, the holidays can be a stressful time. I was talking to a friend of mine and she expressed how she hates Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even as an adult, she still feels torn between her parents--whether to spend a holiday with her mom or her dad. Fifteen years after their divorce, her parents still feel bitter feelings towards each other and do not hesitate to express those feelings to my friend.

Each divorce is different. Some divorces are amicable and the parties are able to remain friendly. Other divorces are nasty and the parties feel extremely hurt about the collapse of their relationship. When I speak to someone about going through a divorce and that person has children, I remind them: you cannot control another person's actions. You cannot make someone want to stay married to you. But you do have control over the environment in your own home and what your children experience when they are with you. I like to encourage people to focus on their children and ensure the children feel some sense of stability during a time of turbulence. One of the worst things a parent can do is speak negatively about the other parent. While a parent may vent and think the children will not remember certain comments, they do. And they often carry those memories with them into adulthood.

So this holiday season, if you are in the midst of a divorce and you have children, take the time to remember that you are not the only one going through a change in your life. Your children are adjusting as well. No matter their age, young or old, try not to make them feel like they have to "choose" which parent they should spend their holiday with. Encourage them to reach out to their other parent during the holidays. Remember that spending a holiday with one parent instead of another does not mean that they love the other parent more. Your children love you and your ex-spouse greatly and want to share the joy of the holiday season with you both. Let them have that option.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Jen

Disclaimer: The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. Disregard this solicitation if you have already engaged a lawyer in connection with legal matters referred to in this solicitation. You may wish to consult your lawyer or another lawyer instead of me. The exact nature of your legal situation will depend on many facts not known to me at this time. You should understand that the advice and information in this solicitation is general and that your own situation may vary. This statement is required by rule of the Supreme Court of Missouri.